Bridesmaid Sparks Debate on Gift Etiquette for Destination Weddings

While some couples opt to tie the knot in one of their hometowns or their current city of residence, others decide to host their nuptials abroad, turning their big day into a destination wedding. And while such a weekend can be an opportunity to explore a new place and even squeeze in a vacation, it often comes with a high price tag for guests. In addition to finding the right outfit for the occasion, you’ll also need to book plane tickets, reserve a place to stay, and pay for additional meals. Depending on the season in which the soon-to-be newlyweds decide to marry, you may be faced with steep fees or limited options, as you compete with seasonal travelers. As you begin to add all of these costs up, you may be left wondering whether a wedding gift is truly necessary. This is precisely the situation one Redditor found herself in when asked to head to a friend’s wedding abroad. 

Detailing her debacle in a post on Reddit’s “Wedding” subreddit, the woman wrote that she was unsure whether it would be considered rude for her to skip the standard wedding gift. “My friend (F28) is getting married next year abroad, about five hours away by plane,” the original poster wrote. “She’s also planning a hen do abroad about five hours away by plane for three days. On top of that, she’s not covering the cost of hair, makeup, or bridesmaid dresses. We’re required to buy our own dresses in a specific shade.” Given the multiple flights, outfits, and trips, the OP confessed that she was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the fees associated with her friend’s upcoming nuptials. “I’m already feeling stressed about how much this is going to cost, and to make things trickier, cash gifts are a tradition at weddings in her culture,” she wrote. “I’m worried she’ll expect one, but after all these expenses, I’m not sure I can manage it.” Turning to the internet for answers to her etiquette question, the Redditor asked whether she could forgo the tradition. “Would it be rude if I skipped the gift, or should I just budget for something small?,” she wrote. “Has anyone else been in a similar situation?”

While the bride only inquired about the etiquette of not giving a wedding gift, users on the internet encouraged her to take a different cost-cutting approach, suggesting she skip her friend’s hen do. “If I were attending this wedding, I would absolutely skip the bachelorette party,” one person commented. “You don’t need the expense of two trips abroad for one person’s events. And then you can afford to give a gift if you want with the money you saved not doing both trips.” Others echoed the sentiment; one user even labeled the bride as “inconsiderate” for expecting her friends to take two trips abroad for her. When it came to gift-specific recommendations for the Redditor, users reassured the OP that something small was completely acceptable. “At the three destination weddings I’ve attended, I did a small gift (like a bottle of decent liquor or a framed photo or something),” one person wrote. “Large gifts should not be expected.”