6 Common Mistakes Couples Make With Their Wedding Guest List

After getting engaged, you may take a few weeks (or months) to bask in the post-proposal excitement, celebrating the news with your and your partner’s loved ones. Eventually, you’ll kick off the planning process, selecting a wedding date, booking a venue, and maybe even hiring a few key vendors. However, there’s another crucial step in these early phases: making your guest list.  Choosing who will celebrate such a momentous occasion with you is a huge task and, oftentimes, can be one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning. Who makes the cut? How many people do your parents get to invite? Do you have to invite that cousin you rarely see and barely know just because they’re family?

“We always ask our couples when they start their guest list, ‘When you walk down the aisle, who do you want to see there? Who would you miss?,’” says Elizabeth Hall, a wedding event planner. “Your wedding day is ultimately about you and your partner, so first and foremost, you should share it with the people you really want to witness the moment, not who you feel like should be there.”

Ahead, experts share some of the most common mistakes couples make when creating their wedding guest list—and how to avoid them.

6 Common Mistakes Couples Make With Their Wedding Guest List

When you’re crafting your guest list, you may be prepared for some difficult conversations with your parents and future in-laws about who to invite to your nuptials. However, you may not be anticipating some of the other ways deciding who to invite can go awry. Here, experts explain six of the most common blunders couples encounter when checking off this to-do.

Inviting Too Many People

Many couples overestimate how many people will RSVP “no” to their nuptials, leading them to invite too many guests to their wedding, says Jessica Bishop, the founder and CEO of The Budget Savvy Bride. While, yes, you probably will get a few “nos,” it’s best to assume everyone will RSVP yes—and plan for such a scenario. Your budget and your venue’s capacity limitations should be your guiding lights here in finding (and sticking to) an attendee number you feel comfortable with.

Not Inviting Plus-Ones

When it comes to your invite list, plus-ones can quickly become a controversial topic. However, if your desired guest has a long-term partner, you should extend a plus-one to them, even if you don’t know that person, says Suzy Lines, an etiquette expert. And if you truly can’t spare the space, let them know. “If your [venue] or budget does not allow for the extra person, you may want to reach out to them in advance to let them know that the space or budget is tight,” she says. “Don’t be offended if they decide not to attend. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you want to attend an event that’s celebrating love without the person you love?” 

Of course, this rule doesn’t apply to everyone. If your friend just started dating someone new, you’re not required to give them a plus-one. But if a guest is in a long-term relationship, it’s considerate to extend an invite to them—even if they’re not engaged or married. “​​We don’t recommend splitting up couples when making your list unless it is an extremely intimate wedding under 50 or so,” says Hall. “If your primary guest is living with a partner, engaged, or married, both members of the couple really should be included on the invitation list.”

Inviting Out of Obligation

Are you required to invite your mom’s coworker or your second cousin to your nuptials? Not really. “Feeling compelled to invite people you barely know, such as distant relatives or acquaintances, can quickly inflate your list and drain your budget,” says Jamila Musayeva, an etiquette expert. “Instead, focus on those who are genuinely part of your lives and future.” Invite the people you really want to see on your big day—those who have supported you both as individuals and as a couple. 

Not Setting Boundaries With Family Members

The invite list can quickly spiral out of control when your parents and future in-laws start adding their guests, says Musayeva. To reduce potential drama later, be sure to have this discussion early on in the process so that they know how many people they’re allowed to invite. “If parents are contributing financially, they might assume they can invite anyone they want,” says Bishop. “Be clear upfront about how many guests they’re allowed to invite to prevent awkward misunderstandings.”

Not Addressing Invitations Clearly

It all starts with the envelope, says Lauren Ashley, an event planner. Addressing the wedding invite properly and clearly gives guests a better idea of who is actually invited to your nuptials. “If you’re inviting kids to the wedding, always include ‘and family,’ which lets the couple know they’re allowed to bring children,” she says. “I also always advise clients to include the number of people on the RSVP card, so it shows how many people are attending.” For example, if you’re inviting a couple and their two children, make sure it’s clear that four people are included on the RSVP card. If the kids are not invited, do not include “and family” and ensure that the RSVP card indicates the invitation is just for two. 

Not Taking Group Dynamics Into Consideration

Take group dynamics into consideration to avoid any potential drama or discomfort, says Musayeva. “Overlooking the balance of guest dynamics can create awkward moments, such as inviting an ex or excluding someone within a close-knit group of friends,” she says. “If you’re inviting one person from a tight circle, it’s often better to include everyone.”

How to Avoid Making Mistakes with Your Wedding Guest List

Want to avoid these common pitfalls? Here, the experts explain how to ensure you’re creating the best list for your celebration. 

Remember That It’s Your Day 

Your wedding is just that: yours. Ultimately, your guest list should also reflect that. “When it comes to family, don’t feel obligated to invite family that you’ve never met or don’t align with,” Ashley says. “Your wedding day is one of the most important events in your life, and it’s also a big investment. I always let the bride and groom know that the people on your guest list should be your supporters and people that you truly want to see on your big day.”

Create an A-List and B-List

Bishop suggests creating an A-list of people who absolutely must be in attendance and a B-list of “nice to have” people, such as coworkers and distant family members. “Send invites to your must-haves first,” she says. “If some decline, you can invite others from your B-list without exceeding capacity.”

Keep Cultural and Family Traditions in Mind 

Factor any cultural or family traditions into the planning process as soon as possible, Musayeva says. “Communicating with family members about these expectations can help avoid conflicts down the road,” she adds.

Set Rules Around Children Early

When inviting the parents of children, make sure to give them adequate time to arrange childcare or decide if they’ll attend your event with or without their kids. For example, if you’re having a destination wedding and inviting kids, they’ll need to arrange travel for everyone; if kids are not invited, they’ll need to find long-term care for them. “Set rules around children and communicate that to your guests as early as possible,” says Musayeva. “Decide if your wedding will include children, be child-free, or limited to family children only. This decision can significantly affect your numbers and should be communicated clearly on your invitations.”