Can Happy Couples Benefit From Relationship Counseling?

When it comes to couples counseling, you likely have some assumptions about the purpose of it. In TV shows and movies, romantic partners often head to a therapist when their relationship needs to be saved. It’s a phenomenon you may have noticed among your friends and family members as well. Rather than associate the practice with a healthy dynamic, you likely assume that booking such an appointment is an indication of a struggling partnership. However, even if your relationship isn’t on the rocks, you and your partner can still benefit from working with a couples counselor or therapist. These sessions often serve as a proactive tool to prepare you for how to handle future stressors, as well as enhance your communication, emotional connection, and conflict resolution skills. 

“People believe that it is only appropriate as a ‘last ditch effort’ to save a relationship, because that is how couples therapy is portrayed in the media,” says Dr. Molly Burrets, a clinical psychologist specializing in couples therapy and an adjunct professor at the University of Southern California.  “Happy couples can engage in couples therapy strictly for enrichment purposes.” Duos also tend to put off counseling because they assume they can handle relationship and intimacy issues by themselves. “The literature shows that the average couple has a problem for six years before seeking couples therapy,” she says. “Couples think, ‘What are we really saying about our relationship if we need a professional’s guidance just to feel closer?’ Or they may make the mistake of thinking they can do it on their own—when, in fact, most people have not even been taught basic emotion regulation or communication skills, let alone skills designed to promote intimacy.” 

Others assume that such a professional is “going to take sides,” putting one partner’s needs or complaints above the other. However, this is also incorrect, says Dr. Burrets: “A skilled counselor is neutral and focused on the relationship as a whole, helping both partners feel heard and understood.” Ultimately, the decision to enroll in couples counseling is a positive one. “Seeking counseling is a sign of commitment, not weakness,” says Dr. Burrets. “It demonstrates that both partners value the relationship and are willing to invest in its success.”

4 Ways Counseling Can Help a Happy Couple

Still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship? Couples counseling can help prepare you and your partner for future disagreements, stresses, and major life changes. Here’s how. 

It Can Improve Your Communication 

When you’ve had a bad day at work and arrive home to find that your dog got into the trash and your basement flooded, even the smallest annoying action by your partner can push you over the edge. Healthy communication allows you to express your needs and feelings without creating a larger issue. “I teach communication skills so that couples are able to listen to one another and speak to one another non-defensively, and provide validation to their partner to give them the experience of being heard and seen,” says Dr. Burrets.

It Can Help Build Conflict Resolution Skills 

Establishing more effective communication goes hand in hand with another key aspect of couples counseling: building conflict resolution skills. “Even happy couples sometimes argue and need strategies for de-escalating conflicts,” says Dr. Burrets. “Building these skills now will help couples with the inevitable challenges or struggles that arise throughout the course of a long-term relationship.”

It Can Allow You to Connect on a Deeper Level 

A couples counselor can facilitate a conversation between you and your partner about your emotional, spiritual, and intellectual needs, providing a safe place to create a shared vision for your future. “Counseling encourages open discussions about feelings, goals, and values, helping partners understand and connect with each other on a deeper level,” says Dr. Burrets. These sessions can also enable you to set mutual goals. “A therapist can help couples align their visions for the future, whether it’s about finances, family planning, or shared hobbies, ensuring they’re moving forward as a team,” she adds.

It Can Prompt You to Identify Unspoken Needs

While you or your partner may feel like your relationship is fine, it’s not uncommon for couples counseling to bring up hidden issues, conflicts, or needs that you wouldn’t otherwise discuss. “Counseling can uncover desires or concerns that may not surface in everyday conversation, allowing couples to address them proactively,” says Dr. Burrets. 

How to Get the Most Out of Couples Counseling

Want to ensure you benefit from couples counseling? Here, Dr. Burrets breaks down how to choose the right therapist, implement the suggested solutions, and embrace the overall experience. 

Pick the Right Therapist

Your search for a therapist should include a consultation call and an intake session, where you and your partner can decide whether the provider is a good fit—for both of you. “During the course of couples work, a therapist may temporarily align with one partner to achieve a certain goal—but in an initial session, the therapeutic relationship should feel balanced and equitable,” says Dr. Burrets. “The therapist’s role is to create a safe space where both partners can feel supported to do work that is sometimes uncomfortable and challenging.” 

Supporting each client equally also requires a counselor to demonstrate cultural sensitivity, says Dr. Burrets. “While no therapist can be expected to know everything about a client’s culture, they should demonstrate curiosity, attunement, and a willingness to learn—and this should be evident from the first session, especially around cultural aspects that may have lent a client to experience marginalization, like sexual orientation, ability, gender, or race,” she says. “I encourage clients to schedule an initial session with more than one therapist to give themselves an opportunity to see how they feel in the room; not every therapist is a fit for every client.”

Embrace Vulnerability

If you go into your counseling sessions with your emotional guardrails up, you’re unlikely to reap any of the intended benefits. “Couples therapy is only effective if both partners are willing to be vulnerable and share their true feelings,” says Dr. Burrets. “Commit to honesty, even when it feels uncomfortable. Approach the process with trust in your therapist and your partner, and be willing to consider perspectives that may be different than your own.”

Practice Your New Skills 

Don’t leave your hard work in your therapist’s office; integrate the ideas and suggestions into your everyday life. “Applying insights and skills in real life solidifies the benefits of counseling,” says Dr. Burrets. “Set small, actionable goals after each session, like using a new communication technique or scheduling intentional quality time.”