Planner “Bullied” Bride Into Changing Every Wedding Detail

During the wedding-planning process, many couples are hit with an influx of opinions from their loved ones, telling them exactly how the event should go from their point of view. While many of them have good intentions, it can be difficult for the guests of honor to tune out these outside opinions and focus on their own. Such was the case with one bride, whose mother bought her a wedding planner as a “wedding gift,” even though she had already orchestrated the entire affair herself. The mother of the bride and the planner proceeded to force their opinions on the bride, who felt “bullied” and “gaslit” into obliging. Because the celebration “traumatized” her, the bride couldn’t bring herself to look at the photos—until Reddit changed her perspective.

In the bride’s post on Reddit’s “Wedding” subreddit on December 11, 2024, she explained that she, as a self-proclaimed Type A person, took it upon herself to coordinate all of the details of her nuptials. After she finished finalizing the big-day arrangements, her mom “pushed” her into using a planner, which she presented to her daughter under the guise of a “wedding gift,” according to the post. The bride revealed that the planner—along with her mother—“bullied” her into thinking every decision she had already made was “wrong,” per the Reddit post. Even though the bride disagreed with their ideas (like extending every part of the festivities by an hour), she obliged due to their forcefulness. “I felt so gaslit the whole time by both of them and ended up listening to some advice,” she admitted. “Looking back, everything I let the planner advise me on went badly. I knew what was best and what I wanted, but nobody listened to me.”

In some cases, the planner made decisions without the bride’s consent. “I was in such a fog on the day of what with being the bride and everything, and realized later that the coordinator the planner sent cut the cocktail hour activities & after dinner dancing altogether. Nobody danced,” she said. To top it off, event though they received “a ton” of RSVPs saying “yes,” only half showed up to the affair—without any explanation.

The mother of the bride also made the wedding-planning process challenging for her daughter by constantly passing judgment. For instance, the bride wrote that her mom is “VERY Mormon,” so she told her daughter that getting married on a Saturday at a venue that wasn’t a temple was “embarrassing for good parents,” the bride recounted of her mom’s words. Even though the mother of the bride hired and paid for the wedding planner and coordinator, she “complained” that the vendors were stealing her job as the wedding manager. Then, during her mother-of-the-bride speech, she made a “passive aggressive comment,” per the bride, about being “glad” her daughter found a life partner who would “put up with” her, according to the post. 

Looking back on her nuptials, the bride noted that there were many aspects of the celebration she did love, but the negative elements seem to overshadow them. “My friends and some family have told me it was the prettiest, sweetest one they’ve been to. But I can’t stop focusing on what went wrong,” she admitted. She’s primarily upset that the event wasn’t at all reflective of her and her relationship. “I planned it out so intricately and wish I had stood my ground and had more support from family rather than being told to change everything and blamed for it not working later,” she continued. “I told my mom I was bothered with how people behaved and she told me that’s what happens when I try to go to big with things people don’t really care about.”

Recently, the bride received her wedding photos, but she told Reddit that she can’t bring herself to look at them because she was “low-key traumatized by it all” and didn’t want to relive the horrible memories. The internet, however, attempted to boost the bride’s spirits by flooding the comments section with validation, reassurance, and positivity. “Your Mum sounds awful, I’m sorry,” the top comment said. “I hope you can find a way to move forward either through counselling or by some kind of do-over excluding your parents who clearly think you are some kind of infant/child who can’t be left to organise her own wedding.” Another gave her full permission to feel her feelings. “This was important to you,” they said. “You are allowed to be sad. It will fade.”

Many reassured the bride that while her wedding may not have turned out as she had planned, her marriage is all that really matters. “Focus on building a beautiful FUTURE with your spouse,” one Redditor recommended. “There’s nothing you can do to change the past, and there’s no sense in wallowing in the sorrow. Don’t let the bitterness make you an old woman while you’re young.” Others gave her suggestions on how to rectify the situation one day, such as one person’s idea to “Renew your vows at some point in the future if you can.”

After reading all of the comments, the bride updated her original post, adding a message of gratitude to those who shared their thoughts. “Thank you to everyone for your kind words & advice,” she later added. She also noted that the internet’s reassurance gave her the courage to face her wedding photos. “It’s true that I got stuck on what went wrong, and these photos obviously captured the [happiest], fullest parts of the day,” she shared. “It didn’t show a half empty venue, just my husband & I [interacting] with our loved ones.” Her photographer even removed all of the images of her mother’s “disapproving looks,” which also helped shift her perspective on her wedding day.